The other day, I got an email that was not intended for me. I was accitdentally copied on an email sent to a parent about a student in class.
The email indicated that the student was struggling, and surely she was. But the teacher was also struggling mightily.
Even though I wasn't meant to get the email, I still replied to the teacher. I hoped to give her some encouragement and focus her on what really matters.
Here is the response I sent to her, names changed, of course:
Wow, Michelle, This is a tough situation. I can tell you’re frustrated, and that’s a really tough place to be.
Obviously Kallie is in a hard place. For a student to miss 29 days of class, and then act that way is clearly a sign that things are not going well with her.
Now, I know we don’t really know each other that well, but I’d like to share a couple things with you, because you’re hurting, too.
I’m sorry this year has been difficult. Students who act this way after all your hard work to reach and teach them is really difficult. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
What I would encourage you to do is to find a way to find a connection with Kallie.
I had a student who was in a similar situation, always absent, blamed his failure on me, and didn’t feel that he had any way to be successful. I responded poorly, and he ended up waiting in my classroom to fight me. He was stronger and bigger and more experienced than me, and he would have clobbered me. I was fortunate that I was able to talk him out of it, but I wish I would have done something differently.
Kallie is probably not just failing your class, but failing a bunch of others, too. She needs help.
Here’s the key: How can you get her to engage on any level?
She’s not going to do any work you ask her to, so let that go. It’s almost Christmas break. What can you do before Christmas break to get her to have a connection with you?
If you can create a connection with her between now and then, you might have a chance of getting some growth out of her in the spring semester.
For some reason, she felt like she could turn that assignment in to you. If that’s the case, there’s hope for a connection.
I know it hurts. Let it hurt this weekend, and then on Monday, make a plan to find a “win" with her. It doesn’t have to be anything big, and certainly don’t expect it to be anything related to your content. You’re playing a long game here.
Michelle, you’re a great teacher. This one student doesn’t define you. But you know as well as I do that you have the power to define her life by the love and care you show her, even when she doesn’t deserve that from you.
I believe in you.
Make this girl’s life better because you were in it.
Give me a call if you need more motivation.
Did I help? I don't know. Sometimes, though, you have an opportunity to lift someone up, and hopefully, you'll take that opportunity.
She did email me back and thanked me for the words, and apologized for emailing me accidently.
Who around you is struggling as the calendar year winds down? How can you lift someone else up, even when you are at your wit's end?
